Living With Purpose In Your Winter Season
When we are going through trials and challenges in life, it can be so tempting to put life on hold, disappear into a cave of depression or strive to make something happen in our own efforts. Grace Wabuke Klein has tried it all and can say it does not work. She experienced breakthrough as she began to focus on others and embrace the work God was doing in her. Grace was determined to live the abundant life Christ came for us to live. Below are some of the things she did to walk with purpose in her winter season.
Send gift cards to couples for Valentine’s Day.
One year, I decided I was not going to focus on the fact that I did not have someone in my life to celebrate Valentine’s Day. I wanted to do something different that would get the focus off myself and onto others. I decided to sow a seed into ten relationships I believed were healthy and flourishing. Marriages that modeled what I wanted mine to look like one day. I printed an anonymous note that said, Your marriage is an inspiration to me. Happy Valentine’s Day, and mailed a card and a note to each of the couples.
Babysat kids for a day (for free) so parents could have a date day
Just as I had sowed seeds into flourishing marriages, I sowed seeds into flourishing families. I wish you could have heard the responses of the handful of parents I told, “I would like to babysit your kids for the day, for free, so the two of you can have a date day. I’m also happy to run any errands you need done while you are away.” They could not believe it! So what are some of the things the kids and I did for the day, you ask? I took them to get their favorite food—which in most cases was McDonald’s. We played in the kids’ area after they ate and then went back to the house and played more games, drew pictures and cleaned their rooms. I helped them write cards for their parents and we decorated their dad and mom’s bedroom with chocolate candies, candles, and rose petals. We had such a great time, and even though the kids are now young adults, they (and their parents!) still remember the day of fun.
Single girls’ Valentine’s night, aka Galentine’s
I hosted one of these almost every year I was single. I always wanted to create a fun and uplifting place for my single girlfriends to come together and celebrate life. Sometimes we played games, other times we just talked, sometimes we prayed for each other, and one year I arranged for a masseuse to come and give us massages. But regardless of what was happening, we always had great food! One year I passed around sheets of paper with each woman’s name at the top of one sheet. We then wrote down things that we appreciated about each person. When we’d finished, each of the girlfriends enjoyed reading the full sheet of beautiful things that had been written about them. When it was a smaller group gathered, we would have everyone acknowledge or say something they really appreciated about each single girlfriend. By the end of the evening, everyone left feeling incredibly loved, valued, and special.
Easter egg hunt for staff kids
I’ve always had a special place in my heart for the children of leaders, especially kids of church staff. Christmas and Easter are like the Superbowl for church teams. The events and services surrounding the two holidays require a LOT and staff kids need to be flexible in when and how they celebrate as a family. Often their parents are looking out for so many other children and adults. The kids have to learn how to share their parents with the crowd. One year, I wanted to do something special for the group of staff kids. A week before Easter, I gathered a group of single friends and we put together a private Easter Eggstravaganza for about twenty staff kids. We hid eggs with candy all over the church playground. We had games, food, and prizes for the kids. Staff parents got to enjoy the egg hunt and games solely with their children. They did not have to worry about any of the many things that come up when hosting an event for the community. The staff kids left feeling so special.
Friendsgiving
I enjoyed doing numerous Friendsgiving dinners with both single and married friends because I am convinced it’s healthy to be in community with both.
Angel Tree
Through Angel Tree, I had the joy of giving Christmas presents to kids on behalf of their parents, most of whom were incarcerated. Seeing the children’s eyes light up in the midst of their circumstances definitely got me out of my holiday slump.
Helped friends plan anniversary celebrations
It was so discouraging for me to look on social media and realize I had friends who were already celebrating five, ten, or more years of marriage, while I was just trying to meet a decent guy. I made a conscious decision not to have a pity party, but rather celebrate their relationships. Since I love to plan and coordinate events and surprises, I helped friends who were not as strong in that area put together a special evening for their spouse. I loved hearing from them afterward about how much they enjoyed everything.
Gave away dresses
I enjoy shopping! When I would find a dress that was amazing and within my budget, I would buy it with the hopes of wearing it on a date with my future husband. Over the years, I had amassed quite a few fabulous dresses that still had their tags on them. One day, I was talking with a friend about her upcoming anniversary. She seemed kind of sad, and after I pressed, she shared that money was tight and she didn’t have anything special to wear for their anniversary. We happened to wear the same size, so the following day, I gave her two dresses from my closet. The smile on her face and the light in her eyes were priceless. That started a tradition of giving away my clothes.
Sponsor a child through Compassion International and celebrate your birthdays together.
Several years ago, I was on the Bible Gateway website and was struck by a question that popped up on the screen: “Do you share a birthday with a child living in poverty?” Since birthdays have always been so special to me, this question immediately caught my attention. Normally I spend my birthdays traveling, celebrating with friends, or on some type of adventure. The thought of a child not being able to celebrate a birthday pierced my heart. I entered my birthday on the link for Compassion International and the search came up with pictures of children from around the world who all shared the same special day. I wished I could sponsor all of them and somehow have a global birthday celebration. As I browsed through the pictures and read the stories, one stood out to me. He was from Colombia and was turning three years old on the same day I was turning forty-one. I became his sponsor and together we get to celebrate our March birthdays from across the globe.
Helped a single mom plan and host her kid’s birthday parties for several years
A good friend of mine is a single mom and has two kids who are now in high school and college. For the past twelve years, I have had the joy of being part of their lives as the kids grew up. Over the years I attended numerous school concerts, baseball games, and tennis matches. I’ve been there with their mom after the first day of school to hear about their teachers and classes and at their graduations cheering them on. We’ve gone to lots of movies, restaurants, and Dodgers games, and even vacationed together. One of the things I have enjoyed the most is helping my friend plan, coordinate, and host the birthday parties for her kids over the years. One year we transformed her backyard into an outdoor theater, complete with a red carpet and concession stand. Another year we transformed my house into a spa where the girls got facials and mani-pedis. Because putting on a party for a group of kids can be overwhelming for a single parent, this was something I and some of our other single friends enjoyed helping her with. We loved being a part of the kid’s lives and seeing them grow up. When I got engaged, it was so special to be able to give my promise ring to my friend’s daughter. For most of her life, she had seen me wear it as I waited for God and trusted Him to bring my husband.
Lead a small group
I have enjoyed being part of a church small group since I was in high school. I am still friends with several of the girls from my high school and college groups. At some point along the way, I started leading groups and not just attending them. Over the years, I led groups that were focused on Bible study, leadership, and other times on fun outings, sports, and nutrition. My favorites have been when I gathered together some single girlfriends to read and discuss a book on relationships and marriage. Some favorites are The Five Love Languages, The Power of a Praying Wife, and His Needs, Her Needs. I also had some of the married pastors and couples in the church come and share their wisdom on relationships. I always wanted us to learn as much as possible before getting engaged and looking at the world through rose-colored lenses. If you have not led a small group before, I encourage you to look into hosting one. Getting together with people who are in a similar stage in life or believing for the same thing and providing a safe place to talk and pray for one another is priceless. That is how I kept myself from isolating in a cave of depression.
Serve a healthy family for a year
During a painful time in my journey, I could feel myself becoming cynical about marriage and family. People who I thought would always be together were getting separated, including my dad and mom. If my parents, who met at church, led Bible studies, and were active in ministry could not make it, what hope was there for the rest of us? I knew I needed healing for my broken heart. I needed a new vision for relationships. I needed to learn from a healthy marriage and family. One of the pastors at the church I was attending had five kids. I went and introduced myself to his wife and offered to help with anything she needed one day out of the week. “If you show me how you like to clean your home, I will do it for free.” Surprisingly, she agreed—I think because she was pregnant with their sixth child. For just under a year, I helped her with household chores. I did not accept any payment. Instead, I got something money could not buy. I got to observe a healthy family behind the scenes. I saw how the pastor honored and loved his wife and led his family. I saw how she supported and respected him and nurtured her children. I saw how they extended grace to one another, how they loved people in the community, and lived their faith the best they knew how. Sure, they weren’t perfect—no one is. But it restored my hope in the value of marriage and family.
Cooking Classes
In addition to taking cooking classes, I created my own test kitchen where I tried an incredible amount of recipes in different cuisines. I gave each recipe a letter grade and compiled a 3-ring binder (aka cookbook) of all the ones that were “A” recipes.
Paid Off Debts and Started Saving and Investing
I did not want to enter into marriage with any outstanding debts other than my mortgage. I paid off my college loans, credit cards and all outstanding debts. I started taking investment classes and applying what I was learning.
Hope chest/drawer
Historically, a hope chest was a piece of furniture traditionally used by unmarried young women to collect items, such as clothing and household linen, in anticipation of married life. Sometimes a drawer within a chest of drawers was used to collect and store special items until marriage. I bought beautiful lingerie and put it in a drawer in my vanity.
Letters to my future spouse
I wrote letters to my future husband. During milestone moments that I would have enjoyed sharing with my husband, I wrote him a letter to capture all my thoughts and emotions in the moment.
Intentional hobbies
When I thought about the kind of man I wanted for a husband and what hobbies he would have, the first thing that came to mind was golf. I wanted to be able to share hobbies with him, so I took some golf lessons. While I can’t say much for my golf game, I will say that Phil and I have the best time playing golf together. I pack the best food and I am his number one cheerleader. I make sure he walks off the course feeling like he could play in the Masters and beat Tiger Woods.
Purchased gifts
I bought gifts for my future husband. While I did not know what his fashion style would be, it was more about walking out my faith that I would have a husband to shop for someday. If you are believing for a child, maybe there is a onesie you can get for your baby. For those believing for a job, perhaps you can purchase a suit of the business attire required for the job. For those believing to buy a home, maybe it’s a welcome mat.
Served at marriage conferences
Many churches offer a marriage conference and are often looking for volunteers to help serve. While you may not get to sit in the sessions, you may still be able to hear some of the messages as you serve.
Attended premarital class
I crashed the premarital class that my church offered. I wanted to learn the information before I was engaged and seeing the world through rose colored glasses. I recognize that most churches offer their premarital classes solely for people who are engaged, but don’t worry, I got you covered. You can still learn the valuable relationship info by the next thing I did:
Interview healthy couples
I identified couples that I admired and appeared to have a healthy marriage. I invited them to coffee or dinner so that I could hear their story of how they met. I wanted to know what they had done to establish a flourishing marriage. Essentially it was like I did my own personalized marriage conference and premarital class. I got to ask all my questions and have them pray for me.
Read books on marriage
I read numerous books on marriage (and am still reading!). As I read them, I took notes and created summaries for each book. I now have files of marriage resources that I am able to easily refer back to.
Collected life-giving words to speak to my husband.
Proverbs 18:21 in the Message paraphrase says “Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.” I made the decision early on that I wanted my words to bring life into my husband and my marriage. So I began collecting a list of things to say to him. Some examples are:
I’m proud of you
I trust you
God knew what I needed when He gave me you
I forgive you. And I won’t bring this up again, okay?
I want to grow old with you
I have confidence in your leadership
I love being by your side
No other man could even come close
How can I serve you in a way that makes you feel loved and respected?
I’ll always stand by your side
I’m in this with you
I’ll go wherever you lead
You take my breath away
You are my greatest gift. I’m so humbled God gave me you.
I’m so proud to be your wife
